So I take that RealAge test. I'm feeling pretty confident, pretty virtuous, because of all the fruits and vegetables and CHICKEN I've been putting away over the last couple of weeks.
All I've done is push back the clock to 30.7. That's bogus! I can't even claw my way, avocado over raspberry, to my twenties?
They email me a link to my "plan" to get younger, which keeps harping on things like insufficient dietary supplements and servings of whole grains. And I don't lift weights.
Ace does the test and also takes three years off. How he manages this, I do not know. He's a pretty good eater, but does he eat as many strawberries as me? I DON'T THINK SO. Does he lift weights? I DON'T THINK SO. Does he stay within 5 miles per hour of the speed limit? I DON'T THINK SO. Does he eat Colon Blow once a week? I DON'T THINK SO. Does he take a Mega Man Multi Vitamin from GNC a couple times a week? I DON'T THINK SO. DOES HE FLOSS?
He just emailed me this morning to say he'd taken another three years off, and how I felt about dating a 24 year old. (Actually, I feel just fine about that.) Hell no he did not just take three years off on doughnut day. Doughnuts are not whole grains, you know that, Ace, right?
Beware, Tasterspoon. Remember my track-able email address idea I told you about? A while back, I filled out one of these RealAge(R) surveys with one of my track-able email addresses just to see who they gave it out to. I got spammed back to the last century. ALL of the spams came from that track-able email address.
Like me telling them about acne, baldness, or "I feel overwhelmed by credit card dept" is going to affect my RealAge(R).
Actually, I had time on my hands (who doesn't), and I went in and changed some responses, one response at a time, to see how they affected my final RealAge(R). I found that having acne or not, or being bald or not had no effect on my RealAge(R). Then there's only one other reason they'd ask me that stuff...
I've got to hand it to them, it is pretty clever. Almost as clever as the "TEST YOUR IQ (and tell us about your online habits while you're at it)" pages.
Posted by: Scooter | May 25, 2007 at 11:53 AM
No way - I just took the Real Age test earlier this week for the first time in 4 years! I am currently Real-ly 27.7! All thanks to my good eating habits and flossing! Because goodness knows, I drive too fast and talk on the phone while doing so. And my exercise habits are shoddy these days. And I took a hit for "death in the immediate family in the last year". Insult to injury, man.
I calendared to retake the test on August 3, with hopes that my improved exercise habits will youthify me!
Posted by: Vaguely Urban | May 25, 2007 at 11:58 AM
Geez Louise, Scooter. That's too bad. Fortunately I ultimately want to phase out that e-mail address anyway...it originated as my spam address, so I should send it black to my roots.
I did wonder about some of those questions, but sometimes the randomest things have actuarial significance. Like how left handed people have a shorter life expectancy.
VU, I'm cleaning up my act already! This morning I commuted at or under the limit. How ironic it will be when I die young, a victim of road rage.
Posted by: TasterSpoon | May 25, 2007 at 02:46 PM
p.s. I WANT TO SEE A PULL UP, SOLDIER!
Posted by: TasterSpoon | May 25, 2007 at 02:51 PM